He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
