I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize