Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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