it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
