Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize