does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
