If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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