I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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