I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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