YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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