was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize