Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
