Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
