i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
