2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize