You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
