i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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