first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
