why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
