Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
