textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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