two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
