I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
