mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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