speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
