mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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