I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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