you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
