I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
