He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
