Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
