that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
