I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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