Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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