Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
