Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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