I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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