NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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