I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
