He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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