About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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