broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
