i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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