remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
