You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
