I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
