So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize