apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize