You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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