Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
