Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
