It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
