I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
