Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
