You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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