oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
