it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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