guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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