my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
