when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
