There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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