Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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