I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
