I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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