some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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