I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
