Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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