my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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