Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
