Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
