Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
