I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize