Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently you make a good broom.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
