Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
