She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize