So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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