I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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