My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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