i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
