I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
