Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize