the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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