What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
