i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
