Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize