Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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