dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
