Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
