your thong is hanging out like whoa
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
