Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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