chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
