My nipple is on Facebook.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Floor bacon is actually really good
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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