Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So many bounce houses so little time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
