I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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