Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
