I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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