Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
