Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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