is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize