can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
