We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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