That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize