Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
