at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
